


bad romance

by imposterhuman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Flirting, Flirty Bucky, Flirty Tony, Getting Together, Innuendo, Lots of it, M/M, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Tony-centric, knives arent good for flirting, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 04:44:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: Bucky was either terrible at flirting or out to murder him, Tony decided. It was honestly a toss-up as to which it was at any given moment.Bucky liked to plant himself in the common room to clean his numerous guns and knives. It was bad enough that Tony found that unfairly hot, but the bedroom eyes Bucky gave him while cleaning were enough to make Tony blush (almost; Tony hadn’t blushed since MIT and he would be damned if some deep-frozen assassin got him to). He liked pet names, too, constantly calling Tony doll or kitten in his hoarse voice that did things to Tony, especially over the coms on missions where he was, more often than not, killing something. Then there were the casual touches that lingered just a second too long to be friendly during training, adjusting Tony’s stance by a fraction or nudging him into place with the hilt of a weapon.It really shouldn’t have been attractive, but it was, so Tony was locked in a game of gay chicken with the most prolific assassin in history.Tony really did have the worst luck.





	bad romance

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote like 1.9k words because i wanted to use the "take me out"/"on a date or with a gun" line
> 
> because if thats not winteriron, what is?
> 
> enjoy!

Bucky was either terrible at flirting or out to murder him, Tony decided. It was honestly a toss-up as to which it was at any given moment. 

 

Bucky liked to plant himself in the common room to clean his numerous guns and knives. It was bad enough that Tony found that unfairly hot, but the bedroom eyes Bucky gave him while cleaning were enough to make Tony blush (almost; Tony hadn’t blushed since MIT and he would be  _ damned  _ if some deep-frozen assassin got him to). He liked pet names, too, constantly calling Tony  _ doll  _ or  _ kitten _ in his hoarse voice that did things to Tony, especially over the coms on missions where he was, more often than not, killing something. Then there were the casual touches that lingered just a second too long to be friendly during training, adjusting Tony’s stance by a fraction or nudging him into place with the hilt of a weapon.

 

It really shouldn’t have been attractive, but it was, so Tony was locked in a game of gay chicken with the most prolific assassin in history. 

 

Tony really did have the worst luck.

 

\---

 

“Is it an assassin thing?” Tony asked Natasha during their weekly spa night. “Like, do all assassins flirt with murderous intent?”

 

Natasha hummed where she was painting his nails red and gold. “I wasn’t called the Black Widow for nothing,  _ Antoshka _ ,” she said. “But Barnes definitely wants you alive. Trust me on this one.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Tony whined. “This could be an elaborate plot to kill me. He could be gathering information as we speak. Did you know he talked to Pepper about me?”

 

“He’s getting approval from your family,” Natasha said, sounding completely unconcerned. “It’s charming.”

 

“Charming one minute, homicidal the next,” Tony snorted. “But  _ damn _ , if that murder strut isn’t hot.”

 

“Are you always attracted to people that can kill you?” she questioned, finishing one hand and moving to the next. “First Pepper, now Barnes?”

 

“What can I say?” he shrugged, smearing the polish. “I have a type. If they happen to be the type who can put me out of my eternal misery, so be it.”

 

Natasha smacked him lightly. “Stop moving, you drama queen,” she scolded. “Your pining is messing up your nails.”

 

“My pining is messing up my  _ life _ , Nat.”

 

“Oh, honey,” she said, patting him softly on the head. “Your life is already messed up. At least you can have pretty nails if you  _ stop moving _ .”

 

And Tony was a genius, thank you very much, and heard the implied  _ or else  _ in her tone, so he stopped squirming and let her paint. “What do I do?” he complained, staying carefully still. 

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” she grinned like a fiend. It was Tony’s favorite grin, if he was being honest. “Flirt back.”

 

\---

 

After his conversation with Natasha, Tony decided to seriously up his game. Never let it be said the Tony Stark didn’t give as good as he got. Bucky might have been hot and brooding, but Tony had years of practice under his belt and making people want him with just a look. Bucky’s bedroom eyes had nothing on Tony’s veritable arsenal of seduction techniques. If Bucky wanted to leer, Tony gave him something to leer at, wearing fitted suits one day and a crop top the next (Tony was particularly proud of the latter; he made Bucky trip over his feet, assassin coordination failing him at the sight of Tony’s toned stomach on full display).

 

His best day saw no less than five broken glasses in Bucky’s metal hand as Tony found Bruce’s secret stash of popsicles (the man hoarded them like gold and hid them well, but FRIDAY wasn’t omniscient for nothing). When Bucky slunk into the communal kitchen, Tony was there with a brightly colored popsicle. 

 

“Mmm, cherry,” Tony moaned, relishing in Bucky’s glare. Two could play this game, indeed. “Want a lick?” His smirk, as he had been told before, was a deadly weapon.

 

Bucky honest to god  _ growled  _ at him. “I’m good, thanks,” he said stiffly, turning right around and walking out of the kitchen without any food.

 

Tony waited until he was definitely out of earshot before looking at Clint, who was, for inexplicable reasons, perched on top of the cabinets. “I think he had a gun in his pocket,” he said, feeling a little dazed.

 

“Maybe he was just happy to see you,” Clint suggested with a shrug. 

 

“Well, obviously,” Tony snarked on reflex. “I am a snack, a delight, and I’m here obscenely eating popsicles. Of course he’s happy to see me, who wouldn’t be? That doesn’t negate the fact that he was definitely considering shooting me with the  _ gun in his pocket _ .”

 

“Who’s considering shooting Tony?” Steve walked in.

 

“Who isn’t?” Clint joked, barely dodging as Tony threw the wooden stick from the finished popsicle at him. “Kidding! It’s Barnes.”

 

Steve groaned. “What did Tony do this time?”

 

“Hey!” Tony was out of popsicle sticks, so he just glared at Steve. “That’s totally unwarranted!”

 

“Last time someone wanted to shoot you, it was Reed,” Steve deadpanned. “And it was because you set his lab on fire. On purpose.”

 

“That was a one-off and a total accident. Reed is a liar,” Tony defended. “But that’s definitely not why Bucky wants to shoot me.”

 

Steve looked like he was praying for strength. “Please tell me you didn’t install flamethrowers in his arm again.”

 

“I maintain that that was a great idea and Bucky shouldn’t have told me  _ do whatever  _ and  _ not  _ expected flamethrowers.”

 

“Clint?” Steve asked sweetly. “What did Tony do to Bucky this time?”

 

“Tony was deepthroating his popsicle and making bedroom eyes at Barnes,” Clint said matter-of-factly, ignoring Tony’s squawks of protest.

 

“Kitten licks, Barton, get your eyes checked,” Tony shot back, if only to deepen Steve’s flush. “Can’t argue about the eyes, though.”

 

“Tony!” Steve choked out, scandalized. 

 

“He started it!”

 

Steve shook his head in exasperation. “I give up with you two,” he declared. “Seriously, I’m this close to locking you two in a closet and being done with it.”

 

Tony hid the hopeful flutter with his usual snark. “For shame, Cap,” he said gravely. “You’d lock two  _ deeply traumatized  _ individuals in a dark, enclosed space? For shame.”

 

“You’re deeply traumatizing me with your eye-fucking,” Steve shot back, not missing a beat.

 

Tony gasped, “Language!”

 

\---

  
  


“You know those days you just want to stab someone?” Tony asked, pulling off his jacket with vicious movements. 

 

“Yes,” Bucky drawled, eyes carefully tracking where Tony was loosening his tie at his throat. “Then I remember I’m an highly trained assassin and I could get away with it, which helps immensely.”

 

“Well, I’m not, so that doesn’t help me at all,” Tony said waspishly, sprawling out onto a chair. 

 

“Do you need me to stab someone for you, doll?” Bucky purred, tracing the edge of his knife with a long finger. 

 

“Pepper would stab  _ me  _ if I said yes, so I’m going to go with no,” said Tony sadly, watching Bucky play with the knife and desperately shoving down his arousal from looking at Bucky’s nimble fingers.

 

“If you’re sure…” Bucky starting peeling and cutting an apple with carefully controlled motions. God, Tony’s libido was fucked up. “Want a slice?”

 

Tony nodded wordlessly, mouth dry. Instead of handing him a piece, like Tony expected, Bucky leaned forward, feeding it to him. Tony valiantly fought off his blush. At some point, it had become a point of pride, and he was  _ not  _ blushing first. Instead, he batted his lashes, making eye contact and letting his tongue flick out to lick Bucky’s finger lightly.

 

Bucky’s pupils blew up and his mouth fell open a little bit. 

 

_ Point to me _ , Tony thought gleefully, licking his lips. 

 

“Don’t you just love apples?” Tony asked playfully.

 

Bucky’s answering growl was totally another point in Tony’s book.

 

\---

 

Tony was a tactile person. It was a fact of life. He was only tactile with those he trusted, though, and Bucky was firmly on that list.

 

Since beginning his quest to seduce Bucky right back, he’d only gotten more touchy-feely with his favorite assassin. Bucky, though he’d never admit it, was a cuddler. 

 

Tony, after a three day lab bender, was typically touch-starved and latched onto the first person he saw. JARVIS had let him know that Bucky had been strategically positioning himself to be the recipient of Tony Snuggles (Tony suspected that Bucky was more than a little touch-starved, too).

 

Despite his clear want for them, Bucky always put up a token protest when Tony latched on to him. 

 

“I could kill you if I wanted,” he said as Tony collapsed onto his lap. Still, he started working the kinks out of Tony’s back with his metal hand.

 

“Yeah?” Tony scoffed, wiggling against Bucky to get comfortable. “So could another human being.”

 

“Yes, but-”

 

“So could a dog,” Tony groaned in pleasure when Bucky hit a particularly tough spot on his shoulder. “So could a particularly dedicated duck. You aren’t special, Freezer Burn.”

 

Bucky faltered for a moment. “How long has it been since you slept?” he asked.

 

Tony shrugged as best he could from where he was laying against Bucky. “Three days? Less talking, you dedicated duck. More snuggling. Or I’ll go find Natasha.”

 

“Fine,” Bucky said, hand tightening and releasing quickly. The show of possessiveness made Tony smirk just a little.

 

Tony couldn’t help poking the bear a little. “You sure?” he teased. “She does have magic fingers.”

 

“I’m sure,” Bucky snarled. Despite his tone, his fingers were gentle in Tony’s hair, making him feel safe and secure.

 

Tony fell asleep in his lap, a curling feeling of satisfaction in his gut.

 

\---

 

Tony had had the longest day of meetings and had dealt with far beyond his quota of idiots. 

 

“I’m leaving,” he announced to Pepper, interrupting an idiot’s presentation on an idea that would never sell (or work, at all).

 

She didn’t even have the heart to shoot him a disappointed look, the presentation was that bad. 

 

“Tell Bucky I say hello,” she said with a wicked grin.

 

“You, Miss Potts, are a menace!” he called over his shoulder. “A menace, I say!”

 

He took the suit back, wanting to get back to the Tower as fast as possible. He barely avoided hitting a flock of birds, putting the cherry on top of his shitty day.

 

He instinctively made for the common room where he knew Bucky would be waiting instead of to his lonely lab, stripping off his jacket and tie on the way. 

 

“I am having the absolute  _ worst  _ day,” Tony said, flopping dramatically onto the couch. 

 

“Drama queen,” Bucky didn’t even look up, but Tony could see the smile playing at his lips.

 

“That’s true, but I’m still  _ right _ ,” Tony groaned. “Do you even  _ know  _ what it’s like to have to deal with the kind of idiocy I do on a daily basis?”

 

“I grew up with Steve, doll, you’re not special.”

 

“I really should be offended on Steve’s behalf,” Tony said. “But I can’t actually disagree.”

 

“Want to tell me about your day?” Bucky offered.

 

Tony sighed. “Nope,” he said. “I just want to get taken out.”

 

Bucky paused where he was sharpening another one of his seven hundred knives. “Like, on a date, or by an assassin?”

 

Tony grinned wolfishly, feeling the end to their little game fast approaching. “Why not both?”

 

Bucky’s answering smirk was devastating. “See you at seven.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it :)
> 
> comments and kudos make me happy


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